my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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