giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
