all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
