i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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