I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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