I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize