You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
