A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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