Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
