Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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