So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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