I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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