im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
