Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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