I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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