I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize