never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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