Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
