so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
