Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
