I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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