Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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