My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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