You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
