I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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