Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
