fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You pole danced in your parka.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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