so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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