you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
