yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
