I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.