things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting