I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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