I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
