just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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