i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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