'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
