I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We have started to decorate penises.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize