If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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