just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
