my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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