You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
