8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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