Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
