He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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