Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
