No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
