On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize