he shaved USA in his pubs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
