what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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