when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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