listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
