Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
