My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
