***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
