she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
