Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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