At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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