You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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