I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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