You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
